Grocery Shopping: Is this cart full of frozen broccoli florets the legacy I want to leave behind? I feel like trends might be turning toward naturalism, though…perhaps buying a raw stalk of broccoli and then washing, cutting, and cooking it into florets will make my vegetable oeuvre appear more well-rounded? Ugh, I don’t know. I want to be seen as a real shopper. Someone who’s earned this meal. The honor of my family name rests on this one choice and this one choice alone and absolutely nothing else.

Getting A Key Copied: I should start on this tomorrow, when I’ll be in a better mental headspace. I had one negative thought over the past fourteen hours, and I’d hate for that to come through in the key that this man Jeff makes for me in the back of his hardware store. Yeah, tomorrow it is. Self-care is so important. I blame society for making me stress out about thinking I was supposed to get the key copied on the day I said I was going to. I really need to be kinder to myself.

Texting Derek: I wonder if this outlet has my best interest at heart. Sure, he’ll respond right away and validate my ideas, but I have to speculate why there’s not a higher barrier to entry. Has anyone else I admire been accepted by Derek? Let’s Google it for four hours.

Doing Laundry: Am I becoming repetitive? A mere factory for derivatives of my previous work? At what point am I wearing clean clothes only because I know that’s what others have come to expect of me? This mechanical sorting and folding week after week makes me doubt why I even started this brave adventure in the first place. Mediocrity is sin. Maybe I need to go upstate to a retreat where my only option is hang-drying, like the classical launderers used to do.

Downloading the iOS Update: Will I be compared to Maggie Nelson?

Getting a Passport Renewed: Today is the day I’ve been waiting for since I was just a little dreamer. Everyone’s counting on me. But I am paralyzed by self-doubt. I begged for this opportunity, and yet, now that I have it…the truth of my fraudulence is bearing down on me like an industrial car crusher. Why did I even apply for this in the first place? I should have known I couldn’t hack it. I’m a fake. Do I even want to travel? Wouldn’t it be so much better to stay here, where my failures are at least familiar?

Vacuuming: Today is my ONLY chance to ever do this in my lifetime. Never again will I have the opportunity to clean using this machine. There is ONE moment available to me to suck up this dirt and hair from my bedroom floor, and if I blow this, I will never be allowed to vacuum again. Culture simply will not allow it!