- A strong, reassuring handshake from the governor of any state.
- A proud Facebook post from my mother with a lot of exclamation points.
- A clip package of me presented at the Golden Globes and set to “We’re Going to be Friends” by The White Stripes.
- A guest appearance on Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations in which I show him around my apartment kitchen and make him a bagel-turkey sandwich from Trader Joe’s.
- An all-inclusive stay for four at Atlantis Resort, filmed by the OWN network, followed by the airing of the Oprah-narrated special about me and my accomplishments. This includes the clip in which I’m working at my barista job and a man in a suit walks in with balloons and a camera crew, revealing that I can leave this life behind forever, leaving me crying and jumping up and down a la Nikki Blonksy’s reveal that she had been cast in the film “Hairspray” at her Coldstone Creamery job.